J
January sale
A sale which does not take place in February.
This interesting little phenomena indicates how inaccurate marketing predictions can be if there is still so much junk left on the shelves after Christmas.
Jealousy
The desire to possess something owned by another person, or to be like that other person.
When practised by self against others; a life support system for those who prefer not to be in love. When practised by others against self, yet another proof that you do actually exist.
Jeans
Trousers made of blue denim rather than chromosomes in the blood.
Jeans have been round for a long time now. A lot of us have parents who wore them, some of us may have grandparents who wore them. They are a badge of individuality which are worn by everybody, absolutely essential garments for anyone who wishes to rebel against the fascism of fashion, unless of course they are part of the current fashion. They are also the garments which always split at the crotch.
Jesus
A teacher, believed to be the only begotten child of God.
0 35 CE. A carpenter from the town of Galilee in a part of the Middle East which is now either Palestine or Israel. He had a group of close male friends which included fishermen, doctors, tax collectors and civil servants. His only known female friend may have been a prostitute. He was illiterate, which is something of a hindrance for a prophet since everything he said had to be written down by people who had their own personal agendas. He was crucified for his beliefs and the frightening things is that if he comes back, which many of his alleged followers believe he will, then he will again be crucified for his beliefs, but this time by his alleged followers.
Journalist
A writer or broadcaster who reports the news.
I once thought of going into journalism but a journalist friend of mine advised me not to. She said it would destroy my talent as a creative writer. I said what nonsense, she was a creative writer with a regular income. We haven’t spoken to each other since.
Jubilee
A celebration of a major event.
Jubilees are designated by various materials, everything from wood and paper to silver, gold, and even platinum. People who have been married for a long time make a big thing about celebrating their jubilees, particularly when it gets round to silver or gold. At the time of writing there is no jubilee designated as shit.
Judge
(1) One who sits in judgemen, noun.
(2) To discriminate in favour of, or against, verb.
As for the first, he’s the one who wears funny clothes to prove how serious he can be. If it’s a woman then the clothes don’t look so bad, and the judgements don’t sound so bad either. As for the second, that’s just personal bigotry given the power of authority. See also jury.
Junk mail
Postal items, usually advertisements, of little or no importance.
The postman’s gift to the truly isolated, or a conspiracy entered into by double glazing manufacturers, take away kebab houses and carpet cleaners to destroy the rain forests.
Jury
A group of lay persons who sit in judgement in a legal action.
The modern jury system is an attempt to democratise the criminal legal system, a check and a balance on the power of the judge, the idea being that a person would have a fairer trial if their guilt or innocence was decided by their peers rather than one person wearing funny clothes. It doesn’t always work out that way. During the trial some very obtuse legal arguments will be put by the barristers, and even the judge, but juries rarely understand obtuse legal arguments so they probably base their judgement on the way the defendant looks, the colour of their skin, their sex or their sexuality. The jury is, after all, only human and possessed of all the average human prejudices.
Justice
The concept of the rights of the individual.
In Western Europe it is a commodity of varying quality, depending on the income of the recipient. In America it is an excuse for wholesale carnage through the use of the death penalty. In most of the rest of the world it is a concept as remote as universal love.
Justification
The acceptable reason for doing something.
Everyone makes a cockup now and then. Some people get pissed then use their car to kill a child. Other people forget to turn the gas off then blow up the block of flats where they have been living. No one likes making cockups, they are embarrassing, so we need justifications. It wasn’t my fault, children shouldn’t be allowed to play in the street. It’s the Council’s fault, these flats should be all electric. Nice one, but try telling it to the people who died.
