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Nakedness
The condition of not wearing clothes.
Certain tabloid newspapers reserve the better part of their third page to the recurring news that certain men are interested in certain young women who take of all or most of their clothes. For once those newspapers have got it almost right. Nakedness is a state which has no impact unless everyone else is fully dressed. It is also a state which is possibly less erotic than many of the clothes which were worn before it. See also natural.
Narrow minded
Not having a broad outlook on life.
For some reason this condition is most often associated with those of a religious inclination, the Christian and Muslim religions in particular. It is sleeping in a single bed because you think you have to, or objecting when even the left nipple is shown in shadow, but worst of all it is making sure that the garden gnomes are wearing decent underpants.
National Lottery
A game of chance in which contestants have to pick certain numbers in order to win large sums of money.
A lot of countries have lotteries which are run by their government as a means of raising extra revenue but the citizens of those countries still pay taxes. The cynics amongst us, and there are some cynics amongst us, suspect that it is all a diversionary tactic, that if this particular Government was going to declare a war somewhere then they would do it on a Saturday night, when the winning numbers are being announced. Those same cynics amongst us also suspect that this lottery is tax relief for the middle and upper classes, a tax form printed in shades of pink rather than black and white, or simply a venue for cabaret acts who have failed to make it at Butlins. By the same token a National Lottery presenter is a television personality who can recognise all the numbers between 1 and 50. Someone who can have even an atheist feeling sorry for God, someone who never tells you which numbers they picked themselves.
Nationality
The condition of having been born, and continuing to live in, a certain geographical area.
It is a joke couched in geographical terms, something which makes a little more sense than most of the other details on a passport, but if it is a joke then it is one which has caused some very unfunny wars in history.
Native
One who belongs to a certain geographic area.
In the United Kingdom, that will mean a person with a white skin who speaks English. In Europe it is one who does not speak English, irrespective of skin colour. In the rest of the world, one who is denied the rights which the invader has assumed.
Natural
Not being adulterated.
Natural can also mean naked, since that is obviously a natural state, but more often it means costing more than artificial.
Neighbours
People who live in close proximity to you.
Those whom we claim to love when we admit to having a choice in the matter and choose to hate when we deny there is any choice in the matter.
Nerd
A Term of abuse for someone who is cleaver whilst having no sense of humour.
Someone who can switch the computer on but has trouble putting it to any productive use, or the one who stands at your shoulder while you are writing your magnum opus and tells you which keys to hit if you want the final conclusion on Page 625 rather than Page 624. In short a man who wears socks with his sandals, and an anorak when he makes love, but still knows how many awkward letters are left in the bag when he is playing Scrabble.
Nervous breakdown
A Psychological trauma.
When people went insane they were locked away in a lunatic asylum and their views were mostly ignored unless history chose to resurrect them at a later date. Now we are all entitled to at least one nervous breakdown in our lives, one unauthorised leave of absence from life and reality. And in another sense a nervous breakdown is madness with a fixed time span, provided you have private health insurance. See also noise.
News
Reportage.
A report of an event where the participants are unlikely, or unable, to sue for libel. An act of God which occurs in time to have the film ready for six o’clock in the evening, or the text and photographs ready for the next morning.
Newspapers
Those journals published on a daily or weekly basis.
Violations of the rights of trees. Fiction in daily instalments. Pavanes for dead princesses.
New technology
Principally the technology concerned with the communications and computing industry.
It all sounds wonderful, until you realise that this is the technology that will give us Australian soap operas twenty four hours a day or the chance to be a racing river without being killed.
Nightclub
A club which is not open during the day.
A place where people go to loose their virginity, to the accompaniment of a great deal of noise.
Noise
An absence of silence.
Noise is said to be a major cause of nervous breakdowns, which it may well be, but more often it is music which you do not like.
Non smoker
Someone who is not addicted to nicotine products.
I have been a non smoker, for short periods of time, and I should be one now, so I do know something about this one. A non smoker is someone who is addicted to pointing out other people’s weaknesses. He or she is often, and also, someone who has been known to drive a car which belches carbon monoxide and sees nothing wrong with this.
Normal behaviour
The behaviour of the majority.
The practice of unrelenting mediocrity such as reading a tabloid newspaper, smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol, driving motor cars.
Novel
(1) Something new and interesting.
(2) A work of fiction.
For a lot of people the very idea of having a creative thought is something new and interesting, for those of us who aspire to the genre it is a list of actions made boring by artistic licence, a narrative from which the obvious has been excluded and has thus become a work of art.
Nurse
One who cares for the sick.
Someone who is far too nice to be a hospital manager.
