O
Objectivity
A concern for facts rather than assumptions.
Having an objective outlook is said to be a good thing. It’s not. People who have an objective outlook miss out on all the fun in life, miss out on the chance to make wild assumptions then run with them. People with an objective outlook don’t have emotions, or if they do they don’t let them impinge on their lives. People with an objective outlook may live to be ninety but no one will ever give them credit for it, not when they are as boring now as they were eighty years ago.
Obscenity
Behaviour which is of a lewd or disgusting nature.
A difficult crime to define when there are those who will even question it’s distinction as a crime. Murder is murder, theft is theft, and in each case there is a victim. All obscenity has is full colour representations of the human genitals, often in close collaboration with other human genitals. Perhaps we need to define other things as obscene if we are going to understand it, like the First World War, or General Haig’s tactics in the First World War, or anyone who waved a flag in the First World War. Unfortunately there are few people who would see it that way. See also censorship.
Off road vehicle
A car which has been adapted for rough terrain.
A car with a large and functional wheel on each corner and a large dysfunctional wheel at the back. A very macho car which is often driven by svelte blond women.
Oil
A lubricant which is sometimes flammable.
The Americans call it black gold, but then the Americans would. It is a carbon compound, and therefore one of the earth’s natural resources, but there is only a finite amount of it. When it runs out it runs out and that will be the end for a few million years, always assuming we last that long. It is said to be central to most economies because the notorious internal combustion engine runs on it. Now given that it wont always be there you would think people would be looking for alternatives but no. It has even been shown that it is possible to run an internal combustion engine on horse shit but again no. The truth is that a very few people make an awful lot of money out of oil and those few people suffer from good old fashioned greed.
Old
A point which is much closer to death than to birth.
The young haven’t realised it yet but they are a minority by their own definition. The young can see no point in being old while the old will talk of the condition with reverence, relating it to words like maturity, good cheese and strong whisky, fine manuscripts and the like. People like me will say that old age is a time when you have the knowledge to do everything, but lack the energy to do anything, and have reached a point in life where it doesn’t matter.
Old clothes
Garments which are not new.
Those clothes we have worn for more than five years, those garments which magically transmute themselves from the wardrobe to the local Oxfam shop if we are not careful, those clothes worn by the old and poor on Monday to Saturday or the young and rich on Sunday.
Olympics
An idealised event celebrating physical perfection and the joy of participation.
A four yearly event where the sport is taken over by the likes of MacDonald’s, Coca Cola and the Walt Disney Corporation. An event where athletes and drug manufacturers race each other to the bank.
Open prison
In theory, a prison without bars.
An institution which begs the question; what is it doing there in the first place? Could it be that it represents most of society in one form or another?
Opera
A drama set to music.
A lot of good tunes surrounded by a very bad plot. Not something to watch or listen to while eating a fried bread sandwich.
Opiates
Narcotic drugs.
Opiates differ from dangerous drugs (the legal/criminal definition) in that the term covers the whole range of drugs which have that particular effect on the nervous system, even those drugs which are prescribed by your friendly local GP rather than simply those drugs sold by your friendly local dealer. They are drugs which can be taken by people who keep garden gnomes in other words. Opiate drugs then, the new religion of the masses.
Optimist
Someone who looks for the good in everything.
Someone who believes that nothing lasts forever. Someone who can not handle tranquillisers. Someone who believes that low calorie meals taste like food.
Outing
A short journey, a day trip.
These days there are package tour operators who are only too happy to dump large numbers of English hooligans on Spanish resorts which means that the idea of a day trip to the English seaside is no longer appealing and the word outing takes on a different meaning. In fact it is a verb formed from the word ‘out’, which in turn is gay parlance for someone who is open about their invert sexuality, and proud to be. Now there are some people who are not open and proud of their invert sexuality, in fact they are often ashamed of it, or they practice it in secret. That tends to make them hypocrites, and it also tends to make some out and proud people very angry so they make a point of telling everyone else about that secret shame. It all seems to far removed from the innocence of kiss me quick hats on the sea front at Brighton.
Outrage
A disgraceful event, one causing much anger.
Another of those words which depend on the part of the world you are in for an accurate definition. If a terrorist bomb explodes in London, and a shop window is broken, then it is an outrage. If a plane belonging to a First World government drops a thousand tons of high explosive on a Third World village then it is either a strategic necessity or something called collateral damage. And there was a time when only the Irish committed terrorist outrages but now they have been joined by a variety of Muslim sects, meanwhile there are planes dropping high explosives everywhere, in the name of a war against terrorism.
