T
Tabloid newspaper
A journal with pages half the size of those in a quality alternative.
Any journal which attempts to reduce news to a maximum of five hundred key words, four hundred of which are unintelligible to the reader anyway. A journal which confuses news with nudity, or which considers the doings of fictional characters in television soap operas to be more important than the starving millions in Africa or the theft of the world’s resources by the Americans.
Talk
Communicate by means of the spoken word.
In theory, the means by which humans communicate with each other. Otherwise an action which causes deafness in others or the avoidance of thinking about self.
Taxman
The government official charged with the collection of revenue.
The Government official charged with the re- distribution of wealth, hopefully.
Teacher
One who passes on knowledge and information.
One who can not do, and can not find anyone lower in the pecking order. He or she who delegates responsibility for the use of knowledge to others.
Technology
The marriage of science and engineering.
That on which many are dependant, and few understand. That which allows a stamp collector in Luton to speak with a cornflake collector in Outer Mongolia.
Telephone
A device which permits verbal communication over long distances.
A device which no one uses well, or to any important end, or a device for transmitting inconsequential information which no person would bother to transmit in any other circumstance. And when it works you will be spending most of your life trying to get people to call you back.
Television
A device for transmitting sound and images over long distances.
In terms of taste, an indication of the lowest common denominator. In terms of drama, a body count in full colour transmitted after nine in the evening. In all other respects; a haunted fish tank.
Text message
A message consisting of printed words, but sent by a mobile telephone.
An opportunity for telephone companies to double, or even triple, their profits. A system by which some people say even less of meaning to each other than they would if they were speaking to each other.
Theatre
A building dedicated to the dramatic arts.
The theatre is the place you go to see drama and ballet and dance when the grants are coming through, or bingo and pantomime and wrestling when the money is running short. A place where everyone is in love with everyone else, provided they are within hearing distance of each other.
Therapy
The process of healing the sick.
Apparently, one of the few alternatives to drink. Or put another way, verbal valium.
They
Other people.
The undisputed rulers of the universe.
Third world
Politically: those parts of the world which are now underdeveloped. Historically; those parts of the world which were first developed. See also first world, free world.Top ten
A list of what is supposedly the best, at any given time.
In books, records, or anything else, a proof that the bottom line will always prevail. Ten good reasons for committing suicide.
Tourist
A long distance passenger who has left all the arrangements to someone else.
People like me don’t like the people who are called tourists. Amongst other heinous crimes we accuse them of; lacking the ability to get drunk in more than one country, knowing where they are due to be on Wednesday, making it possible for Macdonald’s to extend their empire to the very borders of the Unknown Lands. Some of us even think that a tourist is a sightless device designed to carry a camera.
Tradition
The way things were done in the past.
That which happened yesterday, but is given the authority of the day before. For anyone over the age of fifty, that which is looked back on with pleasure.
Traditional music
The indigenous music of a country.
It differs from folk music only in that it has no known composer. In all other respects it is music listened to in the back of pubs where the male customers all wear bears and the female customers all drink Guinness in pints.
Traditional values
Creeds and belief systems which have been in existence for a long time.
Those wonderful values of the past like low wages, the suppression of the poor, overt sexism and racism, slavery and the death penalty.
Tragedy
In Ancient Greek theatre, a form of drama where everything is determined by the gods, mostly to the determent of humans.
A kitten trapped under a falling tree. Loosing the winning Lottery ticket. A footballer who costs £10,000,000 and can’t kick a small ball into a very large net.
Tranquillisers
Medication offered to people who are of a volatile nature.
Drugs which make you so comatose that you can no longer object to the excesses of government, or simply another new religion for the masses.
Traveller
Someone who moves from country to country.
I have been a traveller in my time. And I have visited brothels, open air toilets, other dens of low repute but never a package tour operator. So then, a traveller is someone who does not own a car, or someone who does know where s/he was on Monday but doesn’t know where s/he might be on Wednesday. A Traveller is also a member of the indigenous races of Ireland, another group who know where they have been but not where they are going.
Tribute
An expression of esteem.
There is now an entertainment form known as the tribute performer or the tribute band, performers who copy the works of other performers. It is much loved by television and by pubs who do not have traditional music in their back rooms. See it once and you will find yourself asking why, or whatever happened to original talent?
True love
Passion which is genuine.
An event which occurs two days before the sheets are due to go to the laundry, or a fiction for those who have not experienced marriage.
Trust
A belief in the goodness of others.
That which should only be offered by those who can afford to pay the bill.
Truth
Veracity.
The majority opinion at any given time, or that which is almost always painful to almost all of the population.
