W
War
Armed conflict between two or more nations.
The end result of mediation on the part of politicians, or an event which macho men fight and intelligent women ignore, or even a pastime for military officers before they grow up.
Water
A chemical compound of hydrogen and oxygen.
A liquid which carries less tax than alcohol, despite the fact that it is more widely consumed. God’s bonus to the capitalists once it has been privatised.
Weather forecasting
Predicting meteorological conditions.
God’s attempt to get into the entertainment industry, or predictions which never apply to the area in which you are living.
Well adjusted
Not being psychologically or emotionally unbalanced.
Some people say that well adjusted people are analy retentive but I have seen some of them going without toilet paper when there was non around. Two better definitions would be; not collecting either stamps or cornflakes, or having good reasons for committing acts of violence.
Wheel
A round object which has acquired a place in history.
Something which may not have been invented, had the designer foreseen the advent of the car.
Why
An interrogative adverb.
A word more important than ‘God’.
Wife
A married woman, the partner of a husband.
A woman who gets the husband she deserves. Likewise a woman who can rarely claim the status of lover.
Wife swapping
A social event where married couples change partners.
And that one is also a fantasy for men who would otherwise claim that they are happily married. You will notice that it is never called husband swapping since very few women could see the advantage of swapping bad for worse.
Winter
The fourth and final season of the year.
The season of mists and malevolent power cuts, or the season which makes global warming seem preferable.
Wish list
Those things or situations you would like if you had the opportunity.
There is nothing wrong with it, provided you realise that it belongs to the realms of ‘If only’ or ‘What if’. Personally I wish I had been born as a cornflake collector rather than a writer, I am sure life would have been a lot easier.
Witch
A woman with supposedly supernatural powers.
Some women are afraid of men, and with good reason. A lot of men are afraid of women but with no good reason. Now where reasons do not exist they are frequently invented so the men who were afraid of women invented the witch to symbolise their fear. They also invented the wizard but he was a powerful man, revered for good or evil. The witch was simply someone who could be burned at the stake, and with the blessing of the church. See also woman.
Woman
The female of the human species.
Like God, a person who has never found a use for a penis, which somehow makes her the target of much of man’s anger, or the subject of much of his misunderstanding. See also witch.
Work
Employment.
A mostly boring interlude between puberty and the onset of senility, or that for which we are paid rather than that which we enjoy. See also worker.
Worker
Someone who does a job.
Now work can be just about anything, from digging a ditch to shuffling pieces of paper, but this particular author prefers to think of it as an activity where something is produced or something is changed. Shuffling bits of paper rarely achieves either of those states so once again it is the administrator and the manager who becomes the target of my ire.
Working classes
The lowest strata of the class system, those who actually work for a living.
Which begs the question as to what the other two classes are up to most of the time. It may also explain why the working class are the lowest of the three groups in the traditional hierarchy. Think of them as a fantasy of the middle classes concerning their origins, or those who know the true meaning of the word ‘arse’.Wrong number
An error in attempting to make a connection by phone.
The one which the caller always insists is the right one, which somehow puts you in the wrong for not being the person they wanted to speak to.
